I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
