Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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