Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
