I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
