Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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