3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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