I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
