I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
