I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
