Where did you get a picture of my penis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How's work?
Spinning.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
