I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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