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• (718): View more from New York

  so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...

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