That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
