You smell like stripper and shame
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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