i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
