I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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