Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
