my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
