And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
