I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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