he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
