Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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