I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
