I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
