Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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