I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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