it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Text me some of your sweat
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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