my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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