if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
