Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
