i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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