pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
