I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He passed out mid-signature
She bit a glass in half.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
