they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
