You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
