so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
