So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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