i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
