She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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