I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
