the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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