I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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