My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
