these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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