just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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