Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
