Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
