I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
