Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
