why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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