Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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