i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
