the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
