Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
