Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
PANTIES FOUND
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