very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize