Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
