just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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