Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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