That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
