Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
