You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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