He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
