were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
