I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
