I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
