Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I came so hard my ears popped.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
