They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In other news, I just burned my penis
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
