the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
